Switching gears here to talk about professional growth and how I went from 1.0 to 3.0. When I talk about my growth in relation to these numbers, I always get asked, What happened to 2.0. My reply has that was an engineering release (for my software friends).

When you are young starting out in your career, being a motivated and driven analyst is praised and often encouraged. I capitalized on that. It became the foundation of how I got the work done and the questions answered.

As you start advancing in your career and move into management and leadership positions, what you may have done as an analyst, needs refining. The outspoken bulldog persona that made you the Rockstar analyst has you now being portrayed as difficult to work with and also leaving you confused, lost and frustrated.

Here is my story…..

I am the team lead working a big contract. We have critical milestones that need to be met on an aggressive schedule. The contractor who we are trying to put on contract isn’t always the easiest to work with. My counterpart would make commitments and then at the last minute, change things which would delay our progress. Every delay was a delay yo our program and risk to losing money. So, you can see why I would be frustrated. They wanted to play hard ball…… well I could too. The only thing is, I was hurting myself, not them. Our contracts lead, bless her soul, reach out to me and said, hey, I think we need to take a different strategy. I need you to be nice Ann (name changed to protect the innocent….lol). I looked at her with this strange look and her response was……. Hear me out with this…. the end, I understood where she was coming from and It Worked! They didn’t know how to act and actually asked our contracts lead….. What had gotten into me….. In a good way.

Welcome 3.0……

I needed this especially if I have the desire to continue to advance. I needed to transform that Bulldog into a Strategic mastermind…..hahahaha….. that is still a work in progress. If it wasn’t for our contracts lead, I would still be 1.0 so I am eternally grateful for the mentoring. I continue to choose my words wisely, think before I speak and always look for the win-win.

**Warning** May cause headaches it is only temporary. Continued practice will create a habit that will then become part of your daily routine.

I hear this term a lot. My family and friends describe me as a Caregiver because my husband has cancer. Me…. I don’t see it that way. I see myself as his wife. As we said in our vows…. For Better, For Worse, In Sickness, and in Health. We have experienced all of these. I am his wife. I know it is really a harmless term, but I feel that the term has just changed my role from wife to nurse. My love for him as his wife has not changed since I fell in love with him many years ago. We still “do” husband and wife “things”. I’m not sure everyone will understand where I am coming from, but some will and know they are not alone in their thinking and feeling…. how dare you change my role! Ok… lol…. maybe not that dramatic.

The term Caregiver seems to be used selectively (if that is not a word it should be!). There are a few meanings to what qualifies as a caregiver and yes, I could probably fit within some of them….but so could any Mother or Wife. Not to leave the men out who may read this…. Father or Husband too.

The things that make you go hmmmm…..

You feel heartbroken when your husband tells you he feels like he did before being diagnosed with cancer, run down and tired all the time with a fever and chills. You feel helpless because this whole weekend he has not had the energy to do anything and there is nothing you can do about it.

Last night, as we are laying in bed with our arms wrapped around each other, he apologizes for not spending any time with us. My heart just sank because I could hear the scaredness in his voice and I said, don’t be sorry for anything. Your body needs time to adjust to the new meds and now that you are on immunotherapy, its different. You body is fighting is fighting the cancer cells. Think of it as having the flu. We have keep hope that this treatment is working because of how you are feeling, even though I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better.

We then squeezed each other a little tighter and I fell asleep.

Yep, another post….. and right now I have no followers so this is pretty much a living diary.

Ever go through a traumatic situation or something impactful where the person you thought would be there for you isn’t? This is happening to me right now. It hurts so much that you just want to scream in their face every time you see them and say HELLO!!!!! What is wrong with you?! Can’t you see that I need you!! Most days I just want to cry because they aren’t there. Then I get mad and then I say I’m over it, but really, I’m not. Then on the other side, I start thinking that maybe they think they feel they are being there for me. But really, they are absent. Then you have friends who feel they should be included on your group updates, yet they have only reached out twice and mainly to say how “they aren’t good at this stuff but there here if we need them.” Uhhhhh…… Thanks…..

So, I go through a myriad amount of emotions throughout the day. I’m normally a positive person. But yoyou have to train your brain for it to be a habit. That doesn’t mean I dont cry and that happens at odd times….. listening to music, a scene in a movie, or just a thought. Even though crying is a release, in my mind I feel weak. I cry alone because my husband doesn’t need the additional hurt and I need to be strong for him and our son. To get through the days, I start with positive and motivational quotes and I end the day with them. It’s what helps me. Try it for yourself but you have to keep up with it till it becomes a habit. Then you will feel the positive change.

You will find that even on your loneliest days, these quotes will keep you going. That and your family needs you so you will do whatever it takes to be their rock through the pounding storm.

The wine helps too! 😉🥂🍷

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.