To Wine or not to Wine... that's a stupid question!

Don’t Think…. Do!!!

It is so important to reach out to those who need it. Don’t think…. Do!!! The smallest gesture to let someone know you care may not seem like much to but it can mean the whole world to the person on the receiving end.

Since my husband has been diagnosed with cancer, we are starting to see who is truly there, through thick and thin. I almost said, we are frinding out who our true friends are, but that would be wrong. They are still our friends. I just don’t know why cancer would drive us further apart. It should bring us closer together.

Saturday night, I went to a holiday party solo. I knew there was a chance that I would spend part of the night answering the standard questions. Some friends, who we haven’t seen in a long time had additioal, probing questions. Which is ok with me, I guess. It kept me from playing the annual guys against girls flip cup game and being in a state of uselessness. The girls lost.

I listened and empathized to friends telling me about their family members having brain surgery, their parents getting older and having issues to parents who live in a Florida assisted community that is “free loving”. I started to feel that I was shortchanging them out of our story. Lol

We all have something going on in our lives, some more than others. It is hard enough to reach out to others for help, so when someone opens up to you, give them your time and listen. We aren’t looking for you to solve our problems. We just need to let out what we have been holding in for so long. We also need to know that you care, whether its through email, text, and/or phone call.

This isn’t a one-way friendship. I will be there for you too. That’s what friends do. It’s never balanced and there’s no scorecard, only love….and wine.

Motivational Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Holiday treats

I love cooking and trying new recipes! Most of the time I am deviating from the recipe to make it my own, but sometimes…. just sometimes, there is no need because the recipe is perfect! Here is a great holiday appetizer that is easy to make. I made these last night for a holiday party at my friends house and they were a hit! I will say, I didnt use rosemary though… just wasn’t feeling it. Biting into a twig just didn’t seem appetizing to me.

Very tasty treat!

Enjoy!

https://delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/recipes/a56610/cranberry-brie-bites-recipe/…

Lola

My husband says that I am the human version of a cat. The way he describes “Us” is; We want love but only when we want it. We are very affectionate for about 5 minutes, then after that…. leave me alone and don’t touch me. We will do what we want, when we want, and how we want….and don’t try an stop me! Oh, and can’t forget…. we are stubborn!

The picture above is Lola. She is one of our shelter rescue cats. She was a tough nut crack when we brought her home as a kitten. She is almost 3 years old now…..and yes, we are soooooo much a like!! Some of the above may be relatable. Lol

I have never been a cat person. Her and Jonesy have changed my mind and I think the tieds are turning from dog person to cat person. I love them both, but one side is getting 51% of the vote right now.

Quality of Life

This past week gave us such a scare and that iscwhy I haven’t posted. I would start but then couldn’t finish. My husband just started Immunotherapy and the first few days he felt great! Until……he didn’t. At first he thought it was just a cold (considering our son had just gotten over having mono) and to ride it out, except it kept getting worse. He contacted his trial coordinator and Oncologist and they suggested going to our local emergency room for a full blood work-up, urine analysis and chest xray to rule out any infection or something worse. The next day we basically spend all day in the emergency room but good news…. everything came back negative and his chest xray was clear. So, then what the hell is wrong with him?! We treated ourselves to Five Guys because I was craving a burger and they have the best in our small area, that is close. We go home and he gets in his comfy clothes and back under the blankets he goes because the fever is back and he is getting the chills.

So rewind….. when he started feeling sick, I went back into his paperwork for the Immunotherapy and read all the side effects and warnings. I went online to read what the common side effects are for patients on immunotherapy are. They were all the same….. flu-like symptoms! I tried to tell him this is probably what it is and his immune system is fighting the cancer. He wouldn’t listen to me. He wanted to hear it from the doctor. So he felt like do-do the whole weekend.

It’s scary because his comment to me was, this is how he felt before being diagnosed. It was like reliving that nightmare all over again. He made the comment, I can’t live like this, in his lethargic, weak voice. When he said that, it took everything in me to not breakdown crying…..so, I took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in my throat and said…. we have to believe that this is a side effect of the immunotherapy and what they gave you is helping your immune system fight the cancer. We have to hold out on hope that is what is happening. As the weekend went on, his symptoms worsened.

Monday rolls around and its time to head up to Georgetown. Dan was slow moving but he got in the shower and then afterwards he got back in bed. I looked at him and he mumbles out, I almost passed out in the shower. I give him a few minutes so I’m not hovering over him but then I walk over. I sit on the bed and I tell him, we gotta keep moving. It’s ok to go slow, but we can’t stop. We need to get you up to Georgetown. We finally get on our way. This would normally be his IV infusion day, but with how he is feeling, I was scared they were going to keep him over night. We park the car with valet and he is moving so slow and looking so frail that the attendant asks if he wants a wheelchair. What scared me even more is that he said yes. It was a good thing because we were already running late to our appointment because of the freezing rain and traffic but it worried me more to think the treatment wasn’t working. Get him upstairs to 5 North for labs and then over to the Lombardi side for his appointment. His Oncologist and attending doctor come to the conclusion that his symptoms are side effects of the Immunotherapy. They explain that with both immunotherapy meds, they super-charged his immune system and it is working at it should. Their recommendation is to stop the meds to let him recover and we will start back up next week. No issues with doing this and the trial he is in, but don’t want to wait too long. They want him to take tylenol every 6 hours and if he needs to, suppliment a motrin every 3 hours.

We drive home and he is trying to apologize to me for all this and I’m look at him with a look and say…. yeah, like you asked for this, don’t be sorry. We just need to get you better. We pick up Checkers for lunch because he hadn’t eatin at all and now it’s almost one o’clock. Get home and i told him to take a tylenol and I went to work for my two o’clock team meeting. His stubborn ass did not. He went to sleep and so of course he is right back where we started. Grrr……

I continue to nag him, because as his wife, that is my right. He takes tylenol when he feels like it. I do feel bad a little because when he takes it, he starts sweating through his clothes and he hates it, but it’s doing it’s job!!! It’s hard for me to argue with him because I am just as stubborn. Our friends have offered to help with what we need and i love them to death for it. For instance, our tree isn’t even up yet. We normally get a real tree, that is our tradition but my husband hasn’t had the strength so, the tought is to put up the fake one. Its still in the garage on the upper shelf. We have very little put out to celebrate Christmas. To be honest, I’m just not sure the spirit is there.

Wine is like your Friends

Ever feel like wine can be like your friends (or vice versa)? Say you have a brand of Prosecco that is truely your favorite, your go to every time. Unfortunately, this time, where you are or decide to go (store, restaurant, bar, etc) its not available. There is another brand that you have had before. Its good and you like it …..but the other brand will always be your 1st brand of choice that you go back to every time.

None the less, regardless of the brand, its always better than coming home sad and empty handed!!! Share the love!!

Family Matters

This one is a hard one to write. If my husband knew I was writing this, he would kill me!

Let’s just rip the bandaid off…… My Mother in-law doesn’t like me. There, I said It! I know, I know…… what’s new! Most people have some issue with their in-laws. I love my Father in-law! Such a caring and kind man. He adopted my husband many years ago. To set the scene, my husband has two younger siblings by his adopted father and his mother. For the rest of this post we will use MIL and FIL. We will also use SIL and BIL for sister in-law and brother in-law.

I truly don’t know what I have done to make her not like me over the 18 years we have been together. I sometimes think she borderline hates me and hate is a strong word. We are nothing alike and I tend to speak my mind….. but I have always tried to get on her good side, but I refuse to kiss her ass! I mean we have live in our house 13 years and I think she has visited 5 times. I know it’s not 10……. maybe 7 at the most. She has been to her daughter’s house at least 3-4 times a year. We both live on the east coast, 8 hours apart. She has 3 grandchildren now, but she only visits 2. And I’m sure it’s my fault that she doesn’t have a better relationship with our son.

On the flip side, my husband “says” he is ok with everything and doesn’t need his mom in his business. They have never had a close relationship. He did tell me once, that he felt like his mom treated him like the bastard son. The child that reminds her of the marriage that didn’t work. I almost told her this in an email once when she tried to lay the guilt trip on us for not traveling to his sister’s for Thanksgiving one year (pre-cancer diagnosis). But, I didn’t. I told my husband before I was going to send it and his response was, Thank you, but it won’t make a difference because she doesn’t see it. Again, I am sure that I could have done more for us to be closer….. called more…. visited more….. written or face-timed more. That is what I think about. If not for him, then to make sure our son had a closer and better relationship with his grandparents. I love our son to death, but he is like his dad, an introvert that keeps to himself and waits for others to reach out to him first. We have had several talks about how it’s a shared relationship. If you want friends and family to reach out to you, you have to reach out to them. Me, I am an extrovert…… extreme extrovert at times…… but not so much anymore…. for obvious reasons.

Fast Forward…….. a year and a half ago. If you read my previous post, Surprise, it kind of picks up from there.

When the issues started and a colonoscopy was scheduled, we did tell his parents about it and told them we would let them know more after. Then we went camping for a long weekend in hopes to relax and enjoy family time before the big life changing day.

Big day comes, colonoscopy perform, doctor delivers the heartwrenching news – it’s cancer, and now I have to call his parents. Choking out my tear-soaked words to his parents while I’m leaning against the hospital hallway wall, with my friends hand on my shoulder was the hardest thing I ever had to do. To a mother that her son has cancer and it’s the bad kind……. worst news you can get. Anyways, you would think that the first thing or one of the first things out of her mouth would be, I’m coming out to help you…… nope. It was tell me the details and what’s next. She didn’t come out until weeks, if not more and that was ONLY because I told her YOUR SON NEEDS HIS MOTHER!

So, here it is a year and a half later and she has been out twice. She has been to his sister’s house at least four times, once we found out after the fact. That visit was because his sister had to have eye surgery so she went out to help with the kids. Mind you, her in laws live about 20 minutes away and help take care of the kids. We have NO family in our area. If it wasn’t for our friends, we would have had no help. Am I bit bitter about this?! Damn Straight! I have every right to be considering that I bend over backwards to keep her in the know on everything that is going on with her son’s treatments. Do you think she calls me to see how I am doing?! Fuck no! But I guess I should be happy that when she talks to my husband, her son….. She tells him to give me a hug and tell me thank you for the updates. I guess it’s something.

If you have read this post, I would love your thoughts on it. Thank you