Coffee talk

Good morning! I thought about what I would chat about today……. with so much swirling around in my head. So I have decided to start the day off with you….. My two followers, with some coffee and Bailey’s in my Merry Elfin Christmas mug, my dogs driving me crazy in the background hoping that I can provide and interesting post(s) for you today.

So, let me start off with the, We are so blessed statement….. and then go right into, but why is there this dark cloud over us. Isn’t it bad enough that my husband has cancer?!

So, a bit about the whole c-story. My husband was diagnosed with Staged 4 Colon cancer on August of 2018. Diagnosed! The doctors say that he had it long before that, probably a few years of so. It just happened that he was now having health issues that brought him in. He had a 90% blockage. We were blessed from above that the GI doctor worked quickly because if I relied on his regular doctor, I would be a widow and our son would be fatherless. Trying not to cry as I write this because the feeling of replaying that scene over and over is heartwrenching. Even though I was numb through it all. There was no time to break down…… I was in Operation Save My Husband mode. To this day, I feel we had had angels helping us.

We are now on our third round of treatments. The treatments seem to work well for about 6 months and then start to become less effective requiring a change. My husband has had so much chemical pumped through his body, I’m surprised he isn’t glowing in the dark. The meds have their range of side effects. He could feel good and function normal. Normal as a normal person with cancer can be. He would go to work and do his job, he may not go in at his normal time because he moves slower. He is still able to do his job though and that is great because I think it would kill him if he couldn’t work. Then there are not so good days where the chemo has him so sick that he doesn’t have the strength to get out of bed and doesn’t have an appetite. A vicious cycle because he has to eat to gain the energy to get out of bed and get moving around. I remember a few times where I was sitting or laying with him and he says softly(through his silent tears) and shaky voice , I don’t want to die like this. Fighting back the tidal wave of tears welling up inside of me, I hugged my husband tightly and choked out the words, I love you so much and we are going to fight this.

So here we are, third kind of treatment. The difference is he is on Immunotherapy, not Chemotherapy. The up-side is his body is getting a break from the toxic chemicals. The downside is it is uncertain that the treatment is working and ever since he has been on it, he hasn’t been feeling well. A friend told us about someone that she knows who’s brother was on immunotherapy and he felt like he had the flu the whole time. I tried to provide that comforting news but unless it’s coming from the doctor he remains stressed….. which I completely understand, I mean, he is the one with cancer, not me. If you think about it, immunotherapy is a type of treatment that boosts the body’s natural defenses to fight cancer. It uses substances made by the body or in a laboratory to improve or restore immune system function. So, like the flu, your body is using natural defenses to fight off the sickness.

Fingers crossed and a lot of praying that Monday’s doctor’s visit will render positive results to boost his motiviation that he is living with cancer and he has so much more living to do….. with us.